HOW TO SURVIVE YOUR DIVORCE AFTER 30 YEARS OF MARRIAGE

Divorce is one word that cannot be left out in today’s world. It can be defined as the process of dissolving or breaking up a marriage or marital union. Usually, divorce requires the cancellation of the legal duties of a particular marriage, thereby, terminating the bond that held the couple in marriage following due processes of the law of that particular country. In most countries, divorce requires the consent or approval of the court or any other legal organization that dispenses legal processes which may include child custody, the distribution of properties and division of debt, alimony (spousal support or maintenance) and child support.

On the other hand, divorce should not be confused with an annulment. The former is a process of dissolving a marriage while the later is the process of dissolving a marriage on the ground that it is void or invalid.

PERCENTAGE OF DIVORCE

Divorce is fast becoming the norm in most countries. Nowadays, people enter into marriage to acquire or achieve certain things and once they get it, they dissolve the marriage. This has made marriage more of a contract than a union of two people who love and respect each other hence the thought of living together forever or until death do them part is not fulfilled. With this, the percentage of divorce has gotten so high in recent years. In most countries, marriage is becoming less popular while divorce continues to rise every single day. According to 2019 record, Belgium has the highest rate of divorce in the world with 71% followed by Portugal with 68%. It is only a few countries that do not allow divorce which are the Vatican City, the British Crown Dependency of Sark and the Philippines.

The rate of divorce after 30 years of marriage is not only common these days but it is also on the rise.  Many couples who have spent almost half of their lives together and can always choose to part ways for some obvious reasons best known to them. But despite why these couples are choosing to part ways after staying together for so many years, it is relevant and compulsory to note that divorce in a long term marriage can be more tactical and complicated than a divorce after 15 years or less.

COLLABORATIVE DIVORCE

This is a lawful or legal process which enables couples who have decided to divorce work hand in hand with their lawyers in order to avoid casualties and to achieve or arrive at a more suitable option that favors both parties involved and their children.  This process allows both parties to have an equal settlement.

WHY DO COUPLES DIVORCE AFTER 30 YEARS OF MARRIAGE

According to Online Divorce, there are outstanding reasons as to why couples choose to divorce after living together for so long. The reasons are as follows:

INFIDELITY

Extra-marital affairs are one of the causes of a broken marriage. In short, it is the most common cause of divorce. Most often, it starts as an emotional affair then transcends into a physical affair. When sex begins to fade in marriage, one spouse tends to go outside the marriage to find the pleasures that have been missing or that they feel they are deprived of. But unfortunately, it is still one significant reason as to why the bond between husband and wife breaks.

LACK OF COMMUNICATION

Communication in marriage is very crucial. Lack of communication in marriage is like a good dish without salt. But on the other hand, effective communication is the foundation of a good marriage.

LACK OF INTIMACY

Lack of intimacy can be caused by either lack of emotional or physical intimacy. Being intimate is the responsibility of both parties involved and not gender specific hence showing some appreciation or little kindness can help grow the intimacy of the partner.

NEED TO EXPLORE OR BE INDEPENDENT

As it is known, change is constant. People can suddenly feel the need to be free to explore places, want to go in cruise, live on their own term. To get best Cruise deals, you should visit travel search engine.  This makes them grow apart. They become more like roommates who have nothing in common than couples who are married.

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

This is another important reason as to why couples resort to divorce after living together for 30 years. It may turn out that they can’t bear the pain of staying in an abusive marriage so they use the back door in order to end the emotional and physical torture.

HOW TO ASK FOR DIVORCE AFTER 30 YEARS OF MARRIAGE

Talking about divorce with your spouse can be so heartbreaking, especially with someone who you’ve built your whole life around. But if the mind has already been made up, here are some basic methods to follow:

1. Be prepared for the outcome
2. Choose a convenient place and time
3. State the problem in a firm but gentle manner. Try to express your bottled-up feeling.
4. Await your spouse’s reaction
5. Avoid unnecessary argument or fault-finding

If these methods do not work out, consult a lawyer or a marriage counselor.

PROS AND CONS OF DIVORCE

Often times, it is not easy to determine if it is the right time to divorce, reasons being that it is always hard to tell whether the problems faced in your marriage can be solved or not.

But below are the pros and cons of divorce

PROS

TO ESCAPE A VIOLENT SITUATION

As mentioned earlier, domestic violence is one of the reasons why couples divorce. The wellbeing and safety of the individual involved should be the priority which means divorce is the key in this situation. Failure to do so can lead to death or more injuries to add to the already existing ones.

TO BE INDEPENDENT

Marriage is all about teamwork, not only in the day to day life but in all other ramifications like shared goals, being able to compromise and effective communication. But in a situation where these necessary objectives are not attained, it becomes impossible to work things out. This gives birth to the thought of being independent in order to live life as you so wish without any compromise.

REALISING YOUR WORTH

If an individual is considering divorce due to infidelity or any other unacceptable behavior from his/her spouse, in which they find it hard to change or even acknowledge, then divorce will help regain the self-worth and respect that has been lost. It will also give room to find a more compatible partner.

CONS

NEGATIVE IMPACT ON THE CHILDREN

One of the disadvantages of divorce is the negative impact on the children. At times, the children may also be forced to separate. This will cause them to experience fear, lack of attention, and instability. The parents may find it hard to concentrate and take care of their need. Also, getting new partners after divorce can be hard for the children to adapt.

FINANCIAL CHALLENGES

Divorcing or separating in marriage is expensive and cost more than it was before the divorce. Getting a new apartment and paying different bills cost money and if children are involved, they need to be comfortable. When the resource is unavailable, it becomes difficult.

DEALING WITH THE EMOTIONAL PAIN IS DIFFICULT

Nobody wishes to be married to be divorced. Separating from your partner can break you to the lowest point because just that thought of being alone and starting afresh can be so challenging and devastating. This can also cause a rift between the parents and the children.

EASIEST WAY TO DIVORCE

Some divorce processes do not have to take a long time. If the partners consent or agree to every arrangement made which involves the custody of the children, days or time of visitation alimony etc, then the divorce can be quickened through the court. This type of divorce is called uncontested divorce because every crucial issue has been debated and concluded by the couples.

HOW TO GET OVER A DIVORCE

1. Start afresh
2. Try to cultivate positive friendship
3. Channel all your anger to doing something productive
4. Forgive

HOW TO ADJUST TO SINGLE LIFE AFTER DIVORCE

1. Rediscover yourself
2. Give yourself time to heal
3. Do not wallow in pains rather explore and live life to the fullest

In conclusion, divorce can be so heartbreaking. On the children, the divorce affects them psychologically. It brings about unhappiness, depression, anxiety, and sometimes bully from other kids in school. Also, children of divorced parents may likely experience problems in their own marital homes which leads to divorce. They become scared of long term relationship. Academically, the divorce of parents can lead to poor academic performance.

Divorcing after 30 years is more heart wrenching because this means nothing will remain the same. This doesn’t indicate the end of life but the beginning of a new life or fresh start. The pains and emotional implications will always take time before it fades. It will definitely be hard to overcome but in the end, everything will fall in place. Just live life, and be happy!